just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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