Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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