Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
