and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sext me about skeletons
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
