I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
