yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
