you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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