I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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