But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
