Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
