Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
