he told me I talked like a deaf person
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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