My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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