Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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