420 ftw
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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