Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
