we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So squirting runs in the family.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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