somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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