Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
