I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?