it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch