Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
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Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
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Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie