Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
