and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.