You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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