she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Alive.
So much puke
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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