got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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