I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We smell like vodka and hangover
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
