I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
