Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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