Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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