I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
