Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
