i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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