forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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