u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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