We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
