I just made out with a guy for $7.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mom said you looked used
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
