I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My liver just had a heart attack.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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