he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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