Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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