I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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