i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
