'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is wine microwaveable?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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