I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
