I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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