There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this beer tastes like vomit already
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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