my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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