I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
