absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
