You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
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Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My ass is underappreciated
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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