The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
