I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My life is pants optional.
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