I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We're too hungover to prance.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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