just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
