fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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