I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
