Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
