That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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